This picture is a throw back to the day (May the 12th 2017 to be precise) I competed for the 1st time at the UK Ultimate Physiques qualifier at the Birmingham NEC, Where I placed 3rd in my category – Ultimate Bikini Model – qualifying for the 2017 UK finals.
Whist I wish the best of luck to all those competing in the finals today
despite qualifying myself earning my much deserved place on stage, I won’t be competing today. Ive attempted to write my thoughts and feelings regarding this matter numerous times and failed simply due to the complexity of articulating myself in a way that gets my point across whilst not disrespecting or undermining anyone else who continuously chooses to participate in this sport.
My initial decision to participate in the qualifier was mostly to challenge myself, to face personal fears surrounding my own body confidence, to force myself out of my comfort zone – as this is something I continuously encourage my clients to do-, to gain experience and knowledge to assist me in coaching others and to simply tick a box.
Never once was my intention or my motive to ‘compete’ against anyone other than myself – also something I continuously encourage my clients to never do- nor did I have any interest in being compared to others or in seeking validation from anyone.. especially the judges.
I never set out to place on the day and honestly never expected to or really even cared whether I did or not. For me the goal was simply having the courage to step on stage and bare my all – by that I’m not talking booty gains – but rather my own self percieved imperfections, my scars & stretch marks and every other part of myself I hid away from the world.
I wont be participating in the finals today because..
1. I don’t feel I have anything to prove to myself, and certainly anyone else. The act of being compared and judge on stage was the single most uncomfortable aspect of the whole process for me as it’s something that internally went against everything I stand for in life.
2. After experiencing ‘competing’ 1st hand and all that it involved, I personally don’t feel it is healthy or balanced, both physically or psychologically – or at least for me – and leading a healthy and balanced lifestyle is my entire ethos for coaching.
3. It goes against pretty much everything I stand for and represent as a coach. By all means I encourage goal setting, I encourage body confidence, but I also support & encourage balance, self love, self acceptance as you are in this very moment, and to not compare yourself or to ‘compete’ with anyone else.
I respect each and everyone of the beautiful & dedicated women that choose to compete whatever their personal reasons may be and do not judge those reasons as I fully appreciate the dedication, motivation, discipline and courage that it entails, however it’s not for everyone and the single most important thing I learned on my journey to the stage is that competing, against anyone but the person I was yesterday is simply not for me.